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Life is messy, and I can’t ever seem to clean it up.

Moms, you can relate to this: you have little ones at home (or big ones, or both), and you survey the land of your home and decide you’d had enough of the clutter. You begin traipsing around the house, picking up toys, clothes, picking up shoes and placing them in the bin…that’s RIGHT BY THE DOOR, a whole foot and a half away from the very spot where the people you grew inside your body and God called you to love senselessly kicked them off their feet when they walked in. And it seems like not five minutes after you’ve done that, these same delights replace the mess you just cleaned up with more mess. That scenario seems to describe my life right now.

As soon as work life appears to be under control and rolling smoothly, marriage life dumps its mess. You get marriage life back on track, and kid life dumps a mess. You wrangle kid life to the best of your ability and, whoopsie-daisy! Outside relationships life just tripped and spilled a whole new mess of mess for you to clean up.

I’m just at a point where I feel like I can’t make any proper decisions in my life. And guys…I’m 45 years old! I’m teaching my 8 and 14 year olds how to foster a proper thought process toward making good decisions, then I retreat to my room and review everything I just said with myself.

They say the older one gets, the less one cares about things. And that may be true in some cases. But I’m finding that I care more the older I get because I value the importance of doing the right thing. And not just the moderately right thing—the absolute, exact, spot-on right thing. There’s no room for error. It’s gotta be juuuuust right. Then I stand back and look at that thing, tilt my head to the side, tilt it to the other side, go back and try to “right” it some more, stand back, look at it, and say, “Yeeauuuhh! Nailed it, Bridge! Boom! Look at me! The Righter of All Things!” Only to think about it more later and realize it’s…still…all…wrong.

But, ugh. Ok. It’s ok! I’ll fix it tomorrow. But tomorrow brings its own messy, little bag of tricks. And now I have…did you think I was going to say two things to make right? Ahhhahahahaha! No, no, my friend. I now have eight to ten things to make right. Because like my sisters and me on a one night get-away, Tomorrow never packs light.

Y’all. I’ma tell you right now…I AM TIRED! It’s just too exhausting. I can’t do it anymore. And unlike all the other things I don’t want to do, so I make my kids do, this ain’t laundry or the dishes. This is up to me.

Ladies (I know there may be men reading this blog, but let’s face it…they slap things together and call it good on the first take), we need to stop. I’m going to tell you something that you may not want to hear but listen up anyway: not everything you do will be right. I know. I knowww. Relax. Take a sip of wine. I’m not done…

Sometimes, we need to just be okay with the best shot we’ve given something in that moment. Because we’re not the “Righter of All Things,” God is. He can take our mess and make it right—for our good and for His glory. And when He takes it, we need to let it go.

Now. Did you take that sip of wine? Because I’m going to tell you something else…God doesn’t always make our wrongs right. Whoa, whoa. I said sip, not chug. It’s ok.

This isn’t 100% Biblical theology here…I’m just telling you what I’ve experienced in my life and hopefully, it will resonate with you. In my life, God has allowed me to make the wrong decisions and lets me just sit with them. He lets the wrong play out. Does that sound scary? Yeah, it can be. But if we trust in Him, rely on Him, even the wrongs can play out for our good and His glory.

Let me tell you something…God will be glorified in our lives, okay? He will. He is God. And because He is God, He is love. He can’t not love us. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know [not think or feel–get out yo’ feelings] that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” I know I am called according to God’s purpose. I know it because I exist and draw breath. Therefore, I am called according to His purpose. I am called to love, to serve, to work, and to honor God in the loving, serving, and working. So I can rest confidently knowing that if I’ve given my life over to God for his purpose, though I may not get everything right, my efforts will be for my good and His glory.

Now, don’t misunderstand—I’m not saying that we can just stroll through life, not consulting God, shooting out bad decisions from the hip all willy-nilly like we’re some bad decision-making gunslinger in the Wild, Wild West, and expect the results to yield good things. (I know that analogy was over the top, but I needed to make a point.) No. I am saying that God wants us to seek Him in all our ways. Then, He wants us to do our best, and let it go. He will honor our best.

So, yeah. I’m tired. But, I’m letting go. Wait…

No, no…I am. I’m letting what’s weighed me down go. And I needed this little sermon I just wrote. I feel a little better already. Do you? I hope so. I’m just here to help, Ladies. My “wordly” analogies and I are just here to help.

In the devotional, Moments of Hope, the author challenges women to be warriors. To fight like warriors. To fight for our men. Because this author knows what Satan is up to–prowling about, seeking to destroy.

The author goes on to talk about how marriages are being taken down left and right so we, as women, are challenged to pray for our husbands. This got me thinking about how prayer for our husbands needs to be our top priority.

Our marriages are being attacked. That, I know for a fact. I know that Satan is working overtime to destroy the family through marriage. If I were him and my mission was to wreak havoc on society, marriages are where I’d start. Strong marriages are the crux of a successful society. Marriages that are in trouble cause husbands and wives to be distracted. We’re so wrapped up in our anger, frustration, and pain that we have very little time to focus on other things that require our attention. The biggest casualty being our children.

The devotional calls for wives to fight like warriors for what’s ours—namely, our men. Our men are under attack. They’re being emasculated by the feminists and ingrates of our society that no longer consider them valuable. Men are viewed and portrayed as weak, bumbling fools. And should they dare show even a modicum of intelligence or strength, they’re considered over-powering misogynists. They can’t win. Men have become irrelevant—reduced to mere fixtures in the home.

The Black Lives Matter movement reinforces that notion. They blatantly state in their mission statement,

“We dismantle the patriarchal practice that requires mothers to work ‘double shifts’ so that they can mother in private… We disrupt the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure requirement by supporting each other as extended families and ‘villages’ that collectively care for one another, especially for our children, to the degree that mothers, parents, and children are comfortable.”

…

…

I needed to take a moment to regroup, because that mission statement infuriates me like nothing else.

It makes no sense to me. How does dismantling patriarchy by rendering men null and void empower women?? Some mothers who work double shifts have to do so because their men aren’t in the homes helping to provide for the family! So if you disregard the man and father, who is going to bring in income so that the mother doesn’t have to work double shifts to feed her children??

Why do you think BLM’s top goal is to take the focus off of men in our homes? Because Satan knows that men are the cornerstone. Men are the strength. They are the backbone of a strong marriage and family. You take out the first line of defense in a family, and the rest of the family is left wide open, exposed for attack. And I am convinced Satan is using the BLM movement to further his corrupt agenda. The people of this movement are pawns in his nefarious game and sadly, Christians, Christians, are becoming willful supporters and participants.

So we, as the women who know better, fight back. We do not stand for the enemy taking what’s ours. But how do we counterattack?

First, we recognize our enemy. BLM is not our enemy. God tells us in Ephesians 6:12 that “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood [BLM], but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil [Satan and his tribe] in the heavenly places.”

Secondly, we arm ourselves. Ephesians 6 continues by challenging us to “take up the whole armor of God….the breastplate of righteousness, shoes ready to share the peace of the gospel, the shield of faith…the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

Finally, we pray. We pray for our husbands. I love what the author says…

“Pray for him. Pray like you mean it. Pray like you believe prayer works. Pray like you believe God works through your prayers. And make prayer for your husband a priority.”

Look. I know how hard that can be some days. We’re busy, irritable, our minds are racing with all that we have to do. But here’s what: we have no choice in this matter. Soldiers who are about to venture into battle must set aside all other thoughts that plague their minds. Because if they don’t, if they’re not paying attention to the fight at hand, they could die. We. Are. At. War.

You can choose to not believe me.

You can choose to think that the continuous negative thoughts about your husband will remain innocuous.

You can choose to dishonor him.

You can choose to go to bed night after night angry, bitter, and resentful. But if you do, be warned: nothing is innocuous when it comes to the enemy.

The enemy does not rest.

The enemy does not take time off.

The enemy does not play fairly.

The enemy will see the smallest crack in your relationship and blow that sucker wide open.

The enemy will infiltrate your mind, take over your thoughts, your words, and your actions.

And whether you intend to or not, you will emasculate your husband and push him away. And though he may not physically leave the home, he’s just as good as gone if he’s worn down, beat down, feeling lonely and empty. He won’t have the fire and fight he needs to stand up strong for you or your family. He won’t even want to after a while. And your children will have a front row seat to the decimation of their family. They will see a mother who’s disinterested and a father who’s discouraged. Wrapped up in your own mess, you will slowly become disengaged from your children, paying very little attention to what they’re doing and how they’re feeling. And children left to their own devices will turn to outside entities to occupy their time and make them feel wanted and loved. They will turn to friends and other people who don’t have their best interests at heart. And there you have it—a family dismantled.

This doesn’t happen overnight. The death of a family is a slow one. But we women can prevent it. We underestimate our influence. Don’t. I find it funny that feminists hail women as all-powerful, but when we decide we want to use our power to encourage and strengthen our husbands, we’re looked down upon as weak and as doormats. Isn’t part of being powerful choosing how we want to wield our power? I say it is.

So shut out the noise of the world. Find your strength in your God first then use that strength to fight like warriors for your men! Fight for your children! Fight for your families!

Image Credit: cyberhawk/Getty Images

What if we, as women, hushed the reverberating voice of society telling us that we can have it all? What if we rolled our eyes and scrolled past the memes telling us to do what makes US happy? What if we shut down the self-preserving voice telling us to just look out for #1? What if we ignored our own voice telling us that we are owed more than anyone else merely because we’re women?

What would happen?

What would happen if we stopped trying to be as strong as we’re told we have to be?

I’ll tell you what would happen. Nothing. And everything. The world would not cease to spin, and we’d find ourselves happier and more fulfilled than we could ever imagine.

Tell me: when did women become such a focus? Don’t get me wrong; we’re pretty amazing <hair flip>. God has created us to accomplish unfathomable things (Unfathomable, I should clarify, to the male mind. To us, it’s just another day, another conquer.). But when did we, as a species, become so elevated and lofty, that everyone who’s not a woman needs to bow at our feet? We’re important, nay, essential to the creation and sustenance of life – God created us so. But since when did we need to demean men to become so, and why?

From the dawn of time, man has needed woman. They have needed us to procreate, to feed our young, to create a home where our children can feel secure and loved. Genesis 2:18 says, “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (ESV) A notation in my Bible states that a “helper is one who supplies strength in an area that is lacking in the one who is helped.” I heard that! Shame on whoever considers women the weaker sex. We may be weaker in physical strength, but we’re not weaker in every other way that matters. WE supply the strength in the areas men are lacking. Shhh…now is not the time to list all the ways men are lacking, Ladies.

But if we’re going to keep it real, generally speaking, men aren’t as nurturing as women. They know how to provide a house but not a home. They think extra pillows on a bed or couch are unnecessary, for goodness sake, when we women all know those pillows are meant to provide comfort and aesthetic appeal. Obvs <eyeroll>. Men know how to provide food but not a meal. Fathers can help their sons to become strong men, but mothers help their sons become good men. Each provision is necessary. However, one without the other is futile and lacking. Lacking what? Lacking…just…a way. Billy Joel said it best when he said, “She’s got a way about her.” We have a “way” about us, Ladies. And what a “way” it is! Know it. Believe it. Embrace it. But don’t beat others over the head with it.

That’s where we went wrong. I believe we became complacent with our “way.” It wasn’t enough. We wanted and needed more. We needed to shout our “way” from the rooftops. And what happened was, our “way” became our own limitation. Yes, I said it. No one limited us but us. And I’ll stop putting “way” in quotes now. You get how I’m using the word.

Now, before you all start stripping your bras and waving them around, sit tight and listen to me for a moment. Yes, I know there was a time where men denied we had a way. Or maybe they didn’t deny it, but they certainly used it against us. I believe there was a time when we were happy, and more importantly, content, with our way. It satisfied us. But when men started demeaning our way, we became angry and felt unappreciated. To be fair, not all men did/do this. But enough did/do. And we needed to shut them down. We needed to make them see our way. But not only that, we decided we had to have a different way. Because men felt our way wasn’t enough, could it be possible that we believed them? Could it be possible that we drank the Kool-Aid and started thinking and believing that what we had to offer wasn’t enough? So much so that we started scrambling for new and better ways to prove ourselves?

When this happened, we started demanding we work outside the home. But we still wanted to bear children, so we decided we could work outside the home AND raise our children well. It’s ok! I’m not saying we can’t! We can and do! Stick with me here. All I’m saying is, to whom are we trying to prove our way? To men or to us? And how far will we go to prove it? How many hours will we work? How many years will we work for the promotion? How much will we sacrifice? What level of accomplishment is enough? I know this much: when you have to work so hard to prove something to someone, the only one who loses is you. Because if you have to prove yourself, the person you’re trying to convince will never be satisfied. I’d even say the mere fact that you have to prove yourself only convinces the other person that you’re lacking. Read that again. I’ll wait for it to sink in…

Women today feel they are at war. We feel our way and our new and improved way have been ignored for too long. So, we rose up and waged war on society. But every war has its casualties, yes? Let’s talk about those casualties.

Casualty #1. Our children. I’ll say again: women are more than capable of working outside the home and raising children. But let us not be remiss in admitting that if we try too hard to make one entity perfect, the other will fail. So women who are working long hours, getting home well after dinnertime night after night, are generally not physically capable of taking care of their home and children. We’re too tired! And to good women, taking care of our home and children well matters. We cannot stand to feel like we’re letting someone down–especially if those “someones” are our children. So, our hearts ache. Why do our hearts ache? Because our children came from us. They are our flesh and blood. We bore them. There is no denying the magnitude of that connection.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying women can’t work and take care of their children. I’m talking about balance. We are not built to go full throttle at all things at all times. We’re not. Something will get lost in the shuffle.

Let’s talk about casualty #2. Our husbands. Please don’t slam the laptop or put the phone down now. Bear with me. Our husbands need us. I don’t mean 1950s need us as in, needing us to be waiting at the door with their slippers and a martini in hand when they come home from work. I mean, they need us and our original way. That nurturing we’re so good at? They need it. The warmth we provide with our very presence? They need it. They need our way. Even if it’s an “exhausted, makeup-less, hair in a messy bun, and sporting sweatpants” sort of way, they need it. So why do we work so hard to deny them? To prove something? What are we trying to prove? That they don’t need us? Do we really want that? We’re working so hard to prove we’re needed, that we work ourselves into a place where we’re not needed. Because for all that men may lack, they are resourceful. They’ll figure it out. They’ll figure out the meals, bath time, and how to make the bedtime stories interesting. And if we’re not careful, they’ll also figure out how to get that “way” from someone else.

Casualty #3. The most tragic casualty. Ourselves. Oh, Ladies, what are we doing to ourselves? Whyyyy are we working so hard our bodies are tired and roaring so loudly our voices are weak? Why aren’t we enough…for us? We got so tired that we need cheerleaders to tell us how fabulous we are, how we can have and do it all, and to heck with anyone who disagrees. Understand, I’m not saying having a group of encouraging friends is wrong. To the contrary, it’s very right. There’s no problem with having a close group of friends who lift us up and encourage us to stay the course. Where the problem lies is finding ourselves in an echo chamber, shutting out the One who created and nurtures our true identity. The problem is when we begin to believe that it is we who are fabulous and not the God who created us so fabulously. The problem is when our efforts to prove how strong we are start deteriorating our strength. And sadly, a lot of us lose our way by losing our way.

Ok, so I’ve said a lot. I’ve laid out all the problems and casualties of the war we’ve waged. So now what? Now we recover. We recover our way. We get back to the basics. Where that starts is at the beginning. “In the beginning,” if you will. In the beginning when God created the world, man, and woman. In the beginning when God created us to be a “helper fit for him.” We work so hard to have it all, but we already had it all. And we squandered it. We had the admiration of man. They needed us then, and they need us now. So, stop. Go back to the beginning. Go back to your beginning. Go back to when you were so elated to get married to the man who made you swoon. Go back to the beginning of your marriage when all you wanted to do was be his helper. Go back to the beginning of motherhood when all you wanted to do was bear and care for children. And it’s ok to go back to the beginning of when you first got that job you always wanted but kept in mind that your home was your priority. Do not be deceived. Your job will never need you as much as your husband and children do. Your job will get another you tomorrow. Your family can’t be as resourceful.

And Ladies, go back to the beginning of you. Go back to a time where you didn’t feel the need to work so hard to prove yourself. And if there was never a time like that for you, create a new beginning. Seek out your Creator, learn what He says about you. Learn how much He loves you exactly as you are–the way He created you. Go ahead and see yourself as fabulous but bask in the knowledge that you are that way effortlessly, because God made you who you are.

Listen to Billy. You’ve got a way about you.

(So how many of you are singing that line from En Vogue’s song now? You’re welcome.)

I love my house. It’s not our “forever home,” but I love it. I love the layout and the location in our neighborhood. We live in a townhouse development, but ours is a large corner lot backed up to woods. Our master bedroom is facing the back, and I love waking up in the morning, opening up my curtains and taking in the beauty of God’s nature—His literal and figurative nature. Then, I open the door to my bedroom, walk around my house and I’m overtaken by the nature of…my children. Yeesh. Folks. The inside of my house needs some work.

It’s not irreparably awful…it just needs serious maintenance. I despise housework. I don’t terribly mind the basic upkeep…vacuuming, dusting, laundry, dishes, etc. No, what I despise is the nitty-gritty—on my hands and knees or stepladder, as the case may be, painting and deep cleaning.

Our house was formerly a foreclosure when we moved in, and the contractors who worked on it slapped on the cheapest paint imaginable. Consequently, the bathroom walls begin to show mildew. The walls surrounding the sink hold fast the toothpaste splatters from when my 7 year old son brushes his teeth and apparently foregoes the sink to dispose of the contents of his mouth and opts for the wall and mirror with a hearty spit. (Why? Whyyyy, Boy?!) The lighting is horrible in there, so the bathroom appears dim. And when I walk in, I’m instantly depressed and overwhelmed.

The same went for our basement. It became cluttered with 5 years of junk. Old coats, shoes, toys, cords that power what, I don’t know…JUNK! Our basement is the entire length and width of our house, and just about every square foot of it was covered in chaos. I literally became angry every time I went down there. I’d run down, hunt through the piles of madness for whatever I was looking for, grunting and complaining, find it, shut off the light and run back upstairs as quickly as I could.

I needed to stop avoiding and begin the dreaded work of renewing. And I was as eager to take on that task of renewing both the bathroom and the basement as I was to take on the even more difficult task of renewing my mind.

As I mentioned in a previous excerpt, the Holy Spirit impressed on my heart that I needed to make some heart and mind changes. I was becoming depressed and overwhelmed by the clutter and noise of the world. I had to take a break and remove the things that clouded my mind. That wasn’t too difficult, to be honest. Social media was the main culprit. Get off of Facebook–done! But I quickly learned that my mind needs an overhaul. Much like my children’s bathroom and our basement, there are areas of my mind that need some renewing. Corners of my mind are beginning to grow mildew. The walls of my mind are splattered with droplets of anger, resentment, and impatience. When I take time to stop and think, the room of mind is dim, poorly lit. The space of my mind is cluttered, and I feel agitated when I spend any time in it.

Romans 12:2 is a verse that I’ve committed to memory. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind that by testing, you may discern the will of God, what is good, acceptable, and perfect.”

So, how do I do that? How does my mind become renewed? The dictionary defines “renew” as “resuming (an activity) after an interruption; to re-establish.” Our bathroom and basement didn’t start out in the state they are in now. When we moved in, the bathroom was fresh and clean. No mildew, no toothpaste splatters. It seemed brighter and more inviting. Our basement was open and free of clutter. That state of things was interrupted by occupancy. But those spaces also received no maintenance. Things were just…left. The walls of the bathroom weren’t unseen, obviously. To the contrary, they were very much seen. Taunting, even. They just weren’t maintained. The basement became a catch-all for any and everything. Over time, the dirt and mess just built up.

So it is with our minds. We don’t take leave of our minds. We exist in our minds every day. We go about the business of life and the dirt of chaos, busyness, suppressed anger, and resentment build up over time. It’s not that we don’t see it, we just accept it as what it is. And much like I do with my kids’ bathroom and our basement, we become overwhelmed, shake our heads with frustration, turn off the light, and hightail it outta there.

There needs to be a re-establishment of cleanliness—an upkeep of maintenance. We do this by clearing out the dirt. II Corinthians 10:5 says, “…and take every thought captive to obey Christ.” Take them captive. Round them up!

I have to grab a trash bag and pick up the angry thoughts. That seems simple, right? Yeahhhh, no. As per usual, when I began cleaning up my basement, I picked up an item, held it and thought…”I might need this. This could be useful!” Mind you, it hadn’t been useful for FIVE YEARS, but now…NOW, I might find a use for it. It might be important later! Isn’t that what we do with the clutter in our minds? When we start the task of clearing out the anger in our minds, we recall why we got angry. We recollect what that person did to us and we wonder if we should really let it go. “Did they learn their lesson? What if they do it again? If I get rid of this “righteous anger,” will I leave myself open for future hurt?”

Friend, take no thought for things of the past. Sure, that incident might prove to be useful…if you like clutter. If you like being angry and resentful. Hmm. I’m going to go ahead and say it—some of us do. Some of us like the feeling of anger and resentment. It’s become cozy. It’s given us some sick and twisted comfort, and we settle into our righteous indignation. Let that mess go!! The clutter of anger and resentment will pile up so high, it will reach your neck and choke you. You’ll begin to find it difficult to breathe. You will eventually gasp for fresh air—the freshness of God’s peace, calm, and love.

You’ve got to do what I did with that basement—don’t think, just clean. I picked up things that were actually useful, put them aside for organization, and threw the rest in the trash bag—immediately and without a second thought. Don’t think about it. Grab it and throw it away.

Philippians 4:8–“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

I’m starting on the bathroom this week. A fresh coat of paint and new lighting fixtures. My mind will require the same. I need to freshen and brighten my mind with thoughts of truth, honor, justice, purity, loveliness.

And once all of that is done, I need to maintain. Just because I’ve slapped on a fresh coat of paint doesn’t mean my son will miraculously decide to spit the contents of his mouth completely into the sink. There will still be toothpaste splatters that find their way onto the walls of that bathroom. My mind is no different. l will still grow angry. There will always be things over which I can become resentful. Life doesn’t stop being life. On a daily basis, I’ll need to take a rag and wipe away those debilitating thoughts. I’ll need to daily renew my mind by staying in the Word, meditating on the things that will keep the walls of my mind clean. Psalms 119:105 says, “Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” And as I need to do with changing out the light fixtures in the bathroom, I need to keep my mind well-lit with the Word of God.

Now that my basement is clean, when I go down there, I just smile. I can sit and walk around freely, not tripping over clutter and chaos. I can find what I need to find without the use of expletives! It’s freeing. And when I’ve taken the time to clear out my mind, I feel the same. I feel free, happy, lighter.

Renew your mind this week. Daily. Momentarily. Satan takes no time off from seeking to kill an destroy. We need to be on guard—trash bag, paint brush, and the Word of God in hand.