She’s Got a Way About Her

What if we, as women, hushed the reverberating voice of society telling us that we can have it all? What if we rolled our eyes and scrolled past the memes telling us to do what makes US happy? What if we shut down the self-preserving voice telling us to just look out for #1? What if we ignored our own voice telling us that we are owed more than anyone else merely because we’re women?

What would happen?

What would happen if we stopped trying to be as strong as we’re told we have to be?

I’ll tell you what would happen. Nothing. And everything. The world would not cease to spin, and we’d find ourselves happier and more fulfilled than we could ever imagine.

Tell me: when did women become such a focus? Don’t get me wrong; we’re pretty amazing <hair flip>. God has created us to accomplish unfathomable things (Unfathomable, I should clarify, to the male mind. To us, it’s just another day, another conquer.). But when did we, as a species, become so elevated and lofty, that everyone who’s not a woman needs to bow at our feet? We’re important, nay, essential to the creation and sustenance of life – God created us so. But since when did we need to demean men to become so, and why?

From the dawn of time, man has needed woman. They have needed us to procreate, to feed our young, to create a home where our children can feel secure and loved. Genesis 2:18 says, “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (ESV) A notation in my Bible states that a “helper is one who supplies strength in an area that is lacking in the one who is helped.” I heard that! Shame on whoever considers women the weaker sex. We may be weaker in physical strength, but we’re not weaker in every other way that matters. WE supply the strength in the areas men are lacking. Shhh…now is not the time to list all the ways men are lacking, Ladies.

But if we’re going to keep it real, generally speaking, men aren’t as nurturing as women. They know how to provide a house but not a home. They think extra pillows on a bed or couch are unnecessary, for goodness sake, when we women all know those pillows are meant to provide comfort and aesthetic appeal. Obvs <eyeroll>. Men know how to provide food but not a meal. Fathers can help their sons to become strong men, but mothers help their sons become good men. Each provision is necessary. However, one without the other is futile and lacking. Lacking what? Lacking…just…a way. Billy Joel said it best when he said, “She’s got a way about her.” We have a “way” about us, Ladies. And what a “way” it is! Know it. Believe it. Embrace it. But don’t beat others over the head with it.

That’s where we went wrong. I believe we became complacent with our “way.” It wasn’t enough. We wanted and needed more. We needed to shout our “way” from the rooftops. And what happened was, our “way” became our own limitation. Yes, I said it. No one limited us but us. And I’ll stop putting “way” in quotes now. You get how I’m using the word.

Now, before you all start stripping your bras and waving them around, sit tight and listen to me for a moment. Yes, I know there was a time where men denied we had a way. Or maybe they didn’t deny it, but they certainly used it against us. I believe there was a time when we were happy, and more importantly, content, with our way. It satisfied us. But when men started demeaning our way, we became angry and felt unappreciated. To be fair, not all men did/do this. But enough did/do. And we needed to shut them down. We needed to make them see our way. But not only that, we decided we had to have a different way. Because men felt our way wasn’t enough, could it be possible that we believed them? Could it be possible that we drank the Kool-Aid and started thinking and believing that what we had to offer wasn’t enough? So much so that we started scrambling for new and better ways to prove ourselves?

When this happened, we started demanding we work outside the home. But we still wanted to bear children, so we decided we could work outside the home AND raise our children well. It’s ok! I’m not saying we can’t! We can and do! Stick with me here. All I’m saying is, to whom are we trying to prove our way? To men or to us? And how far will we go to prove it? How many hours will we work? How many years will we work for the promotion? How much will we sacrifice? What level of accomplishment is enough? I know this much: when you have to work so hard to prove something to someone, the only one who loses is you. Because if you have to prove yourself, the person you’re trying to convince will never be satisfied. I’d even say the mere fact that you have to prove yourself only convinces the other person that you’re lacking. Read that again. I’ll wait for it to sink in…

Women today feel they are at war. We feel our way and our new and improved way have been ignored for too long. So, we rose up and waged war on society. But every war has its casualties, yes? Let’s talk about those casualties.

Casualty #1. Our children. I’ll say again: women are more than capable of working outside the home and raising children. But let us not be remiss in admitting that if we try too hard to make one entity perfect, the other will fail. So women who are working long hours, getting home well after dinnertime night after night, are generally not physically capable of taking care of their home and children. We’re too tired! And to good women, taking care of our home and children well matters. We cannot stand to feel like we’re letting someone down–especially if those “someones” are our children. So, our hearts ache. Why do our hearts ache? Because our children came from us. They are our flesh and blood. We bore them. There is no denying the magnitude of that connection.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying women can’t work and take care of their children. I’m talking about balance. We are not built to go full throttle at all things at all times. We’re not. Something will get lost in the shuffle.

Let’s talk about casualty #2. Our husbands. Please don’t slam the laptop or put the phone down now. Bear with me. Our husbands need us. I don’t mean 1950s need us as in, needing us to be waiting at the door with their slippers and a martini in hand when they come home from work. I mean, they need us and our original way. That nurturing we’re so good at? They need it. The warmth we provide with our very presence? They need it. They need our way. Even if it’s an “exhausted, makeup-less, hair in a messy bun, and sporting sweatpants” sort of way, they need it. So why do we work so hard to deny them? To prove something? What are we trying to prove? That they don’t need us? Do we really want that? We’re working so hard to prove we’re needed, that we work ourselves into a place where we’re not needed. Because for all that men may lack, they are resourceful. They’ll figure it out. They’ll figure out the meals, bath time, and how to make the bedtime stories interesting. And if we’re not careful, they’ll also figure out how to get that “way” from someone else.

Casualty #3. The most tragic casualty. Ourselves. Oh, Ladies, what are we doing to ourselves? Whyyyy are we working so hard our bodies are tired and roaring so loudly our voices are weak? Why aren’t we enough…for us? We got so tired that we need cheerleaders to tell us how fabulous we are, how we can have and do it all, and to heck with anyone who disagrees. Understand, I’m not saying having a group of encouraging friends is wrong. To the contrary, it’s very right. There’s no problem with having a close group of friends who lift us up and encourage us to stay the course. Where the problem lies is finding ourselves in an echo chamber, shutting out the One who created and nurtures our true identity. The problem is when we begin to believe that it is we who are fabulous and not the God who created us so fabulously. The problem is when our efforts to prove how strong we are start deteriorating our strength. And sadly, a lot of us lose our way by losing our way.

Ok, so I’ve said a lot. I’ve laid out all the problems and casualties of the war we’ve waged. So now what? Now we recover. We recover our way. We get back to the basics. Where that starts is at the beginning. “In the beginning,” if you will. In the beginning when God created the world, man, and woman. In the beginning when God created us to be a “helper fit for him.” We work so hard to have it all, but we already had it all. And we squandered it. We had the admiration of man. They needed us then, and they need us now. So, stop. Go back to the beginning. Go back to your beginning. Go back to when you were so elated to get married to the man who made you swoon. Go back to the beginning of your marriage when all you wanted to do was be his helper. Go back to the beginning of motherhood when all you wanted to do was bear and care for children. And it’s ok to go back to the beginning of when you first got that job you always wanted but kept in mind that your home was your priority. Do not be deceived. Your job will never need you as much as your husband and children do. Your job will get another you tomorrow. Your family can’t be as resourceful.

And Ladies, go back to the beginning of you. Go back to a time where you didn’t feel the need to work so hard to prove yourself. And if there was never a time like that for you, create a new beginning. Seek out your Creator, learn what He says about you. Learn how much He loves you exactly as you are–the way He created you. Go ahead and see yourself as fabulous but bask in the knowledge that you are that way effortlessly, because God made you who you are.

Listen to Billy. You’ve got a way about you.