Can’t. I’m in time-out.

I have a voice. I have a voice that had rung true with others who were feeling lost these days. My voice has provided comfort for those who are reeling from the state of affairs in our country. I’ve loved that I have been able to express thoughts that have resonated with so many, and I’ve appreciated the gratitude and support as result. I’ve felt that I needed to maintain the momentum and speak loudly and boldly for right and against wrong. I had been asking God, almost on a daily basis, what He wants from me. “What is Your will for my life, Lord? What do You want me to turn this into? What do You want me to say and to whom?” I had been asking…no, begging God to reveal His perfect will to me. But I heard nothing. He was silent, and I remained unsettled and restless.

In order to escape the restlessness I was feeling, I’d resort to my ol’ go-to—Facebook. Because what else would I do to assuage the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach other than cloud my mind with angst, uncertainty, judgement, and baby goats in pajamas videos? Honestly, the baby goats in pajamas videos always make me feel better. Come on, guys. Their little sideways hops?? I caaaan’t! <all the heart-eyes emojis> But no baby goat videos lately. Only all the other stuff. Only hopelessness. Only the absence of joy and grace. Only utter stupidity, quite frankly. But there I sat…scrolling, “liking” the posts that echo my thoughts and “angry-facing” the ones that didn’t. There I sat crafting prolific musings of my own, some in defense of my white friends who were being taken to task by angry, black “friends,” some of my own taking to task the black community for its fruitless actions and backwards ideologies, and some funny quips my son or daughter laid on me, breaking up my work day. Oh. And some pictures of my adorable doggie. I don’t dress him in pajamas and he doesn’t hop sideways, but he’s adorable nonetheless.

Yet somehow, I remained restless and discontented. Ha! “Somehow.” I knew how. And I knew why. It was the noise. The noise of everyone else’s thoughts. And I was drowning out the soft whisper of my Father trying to get my attention.

I can’t really say I knew exactly when, but at some point, I’d had enough. It was too much. It was overload. I just didn’t want it anymore. I didn’t want to engage or be engaged with. I had to make my exit.

It was a Sunday evening, I had collapsed into bed and wanted to unwind on my phone, but I didn’t want to go onto social media. I knew I needed to get off the social hamster wheel. So I literally Googled, “How to detox from social media with God’s help.” Those were my exact words. The first link that came up was Tony Reinke’s article on desiringGod.org. The article was entitled, “Know When to Walk Away: A Twelve-Step Digital Detox.” Yes, please and thank you! Ya’ll. This. THIS is what I needed. I won’t bore you with listing out the steps. Click on the link. Read it. You’re welcome.

I decided that evening that the next morning, I was not going to click on the Facebook app as soon as my eyes saw sunlight, like I usually do. I was going to fill my mind with the Word. I was going to let God finally speak to me. No thank you, Fox News or CNN (merely to educate myself on what the other side had to say). No thank you, Friend who means well but posts daily updates on how our governor is decimating our local economy. No thank you, Facebook group that gets readers all riled up to fight–fight–FIGHT the system. No thank you, to all of it.

Yes please, to God. Yes please, to His peace and joy. Yes please, to the safety and security found only in the truth of His sovereignty. Yes please, to all of that! Yes please, to Romans 12:2, my new life verse: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Umm…yes please, to discerning the will of God!

Here’s what: you’re not getting rid of me that easily. I do have a voice. It was God-given. And I do have a message to share. It is one of personal responsibility that cultivates unity. I will continue to speak loudly and boldly for right and against wrong. But, I will filter EVERY WORD through the ultimate Word—the Word of God. I will take a respite and refuel, hiding myself under His massive, protective wing. I will not let other voices, or mine, for that matter, drown out my sweet Father’s voice. Because His is the voice to which I need to listen. His words are not empty or meaningless. They are filled with power. His Word is “sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12)

Friend, take a time-out. You remember time-outs—when your parents made you sit on the steps of your house to think about what you’ve done. God put me in time-out. I’m sitting and thinking. And when He says I can get up off these steps, I’ll know God’s will. I’ll put on the armor of God and get back out there. But until then, I’ll be in the most relaxing and rejuvenating time-out ever.